Loving Without Losing Yourself

(By Etuna Kwedhi)

Relationships can be helpful, fun, and bring people together, but they can also make it hard for students to figure out who they are if they are not careful. At WVTC, Trainee Representative Council (TRC), Secretary General Etuna Kwedhi shared with Campus Connect ways in which students can remain true to themselves.

“Students must know and remember that a relationship should add to who they are, not replace who they are. Students should be able to maintain personal interests, friendships, routines, and values even while dating without feeling guilty. Healthy relationships allow space for individuality. Communication is also key. Being honest about your needs, boundaries, and goals helps prevent you from shrinking yourself to fit someone else’s expectations.

Some early signs would be constantly changing your opinions, style, or behaviour just to please your partner. Losing interest in things you once loved. Neglecting friends, schoolwork, or personal goals. Feeling anxious about disappointing your partner. Another thing would be needing their approval for every decision. When someone starts feeling like they can’t be themselves or must “perform” or put on a facade to keep the relationship, it may be a sign they are slowly losing their sense of self.

Students should treat their education and plans as a priority, always, not something secondary to the relationship. Setting clear academic and personal goals helps keep focus. Time management is important. Balance time with your partner and time for studying, resting, and self-development. Independence also means being emotionally secure on your own, not depending on a partner to feel worthy, happy, or complete. A healthy partner will support your growth, not compete with it.

First pause and reflect. Who were you before this relationship? If you feel like you’re losing yourself, then it’s probably time to do something about it. It’s important to speak up and express how you feel. The right person will value the real you, not a version you created to keep them. Remember, no relationship is worth sacrificing your confidence, values, dreams, or mental well-being. Love should feel safe, freeing, and supportive, not like constant pressure to be someone you’re not.”